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I scream every day in purgatory. No-one hears.

I think there are others, standing close to me, but I’m never sure. No-one reaches out, no-one dares touch. We do not understand the potential consequences. No-one explains the rules to us at all.

So alone. In life I was a hermit, seeking the solace of solitude. Now it’s just horrific. Anything you cannot freely choose – no matter how you might have chosen it if choice was yours – anything imposed upon you without your will, and without any true understanding, is beyond words.

Maybe there isn’t anyone else, after all. Maybe it’s just me. I’m defective somehow, and all the others went to join the angels or the devils. Neither side chose me. Like some obscene playground sports day, I didn’t get on either team. Maybe.

I don’t know how long this lasts. I don’t know how long I’ve been here. Feels like I’ve been screaming for eons, but it might just be minutes. How would I know? I don’t even really have a throat, a voice, or even any sound. Just my imagination, the screaming, the pain, the loss.

What god would put me here? What devil? And does it ever end?

(c ) Helen M Valentina 2018