Career Advice for the Afterlife


Image credit: MiniStocker/

So let’s look at your life resume. What did you excel at, what did you achieve, before you skipped off the mortal coil and found yourself here?

They say you were a ruthless salesperson, a money maker through cutting through the losses and stupidities of others. It says you didn’t care too much who you hurt, only that the profits were good and your managers were happy.

And it seems they were very, very happy indeed. Until that one time that maybe you sought to take more than you were promised? Ah yes, I see, that’s just before you came here.

Well, that’s a sort of severance I suppose. A termination if you will.

You must allow me my little jests. This is an often thankless task, being a recruiter in the underworld. I mean, it was what I was in life so I fit right in, but the options here, if you want to advance, seem bent towards your less favourable qualities. That can be…dis-spiriting..for me. Did you see what I did there? Dis-spiriting in the spirit world?

Never mind…

Ok, it seems pretty obvious what you will excel at anyway. What would fit a ruthless, precise girl like you? And with all the troubles in the world today we are in short supply of your very much in demand talents. A skills shortage in the afterlife, if you will.

They never really existed in real life you know – the skills shortages? We just said they did. The perception of lack was good for business.

But here, well here certain skills really are limited. So it’s very good you’ve died and joined us now. It’s a premium growth time for the career trajectory of someone just like you.

So just sign here. It’s a contract for your new role. A Reaper, they call it. You get to bring the others here. You get to bring in the dead.

Right up your alley, wouldn’t you say? Sign now and we can get your outfitted in a lovely black uniform and give you a brand new scythe.

I’m glad to see you are so excited at the prospect. I thought you might be. Well, that’s excellent then.

You’ll fit right in. And I’m sure you’ll be a high performer and upwardly mobile before you know it.

What? No, not upwardly mobile there. You can’t work your way there, and you weren’t good enough in life to just get there.

But don’t fret my dear. I think your new role is going to fit you just fine. Just fine.

© Helen M Valentina 2019


About Helen

I'm drawn to blogging as a way to share ideas and consider what makes us who we are. Whether it's in our working life or our creativity, expression is a means to connect.
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3 Responses to Career Advice for the Afterlife

  1. Perfect job for a sales rep. “Bring in those sheaves.”

    Liked by 1 person

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