I See You

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I see you
My murderer
My deathly love
As you try to turn
And walk away
Deny this truth
You’ve birthed
In this silent, sudden death

I see you
My transgressor
My once friend
Now annihilator
Are you surprised
To see me rise
And know no end
Comes from my demise?

I see you
My terrible future
My dreadful revenge
I will follow
Dog your footsteps
Drive you mad
And then?
And then?

(c) Helen M Valentina 2017

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Headache

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One the third day of the headache he was beyond control.

He’d had migraines all his life, and he knew what to do about them. He knew what days medication would work, and what ones he’d just have to lie down in a dark, quiet room and give up, yield to its furore till it abated.

But this was different. This didn’t abate. And it was noisy. It spoke to him, shouted really, words he could barely make out. Something was in his head, in him. Soemthing had snuck up and entered him, perhaps when he was weak, or when he drank, or even when he took recreational drugs. He couldn’t even remember now, three days in, what might have been the precipitating event. He just knew the pain.

And the invasion.

No medication helped. How could it get something out that was stuck inside?

He’d tried stumbling to a church, as though it was a demon to be exorcised, but no relief came. He stumbled out as pain ridden as ever, throwing up outside the building before staggering home again.

It kept shouting, shouting at him. He had to get it out, had to dig in, drill in, and get it out.

Madness took him. The madness of pain seeking an end, or even a brief greater pain to encompass it all. Anything, anything to get it out.

In his shed he kept tools, including a drill. Yes, that would do, to drill in, right into his brain, and get it out. Get it out.

And it is true that for a few brief moments the noise of the drill drowned out the noise in his head, and the pain of searing flesh and cracking bone overwhelmed the headache.

And then there was nothing. Blessed peace. Whatever was in had been forced out, but then, so had he.

And there was nothing left.

(c) Helen M Valentina 2017

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Eternal Vigilance

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Ever standing
Eternal vigilance
We progress
Along this dark parade

Ever loyal
Not forgetting
What our brothers
Here have paid

Born of honour
Death defying
Standing strong
Against the looming tide

We are fallen
Damned for caring
We are a peace
Too long denied

Pray dear mother
For your children
Among us trapped
Along this path

We were once you
We will protect you
Through the dirge
And aftermath

(c) Helen M Valentina 2017

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Halloween Games by DC McGannon

Halloween Games

So having discovered DC McGannon and C Michael McGannon via Kaos Obsidere (see my earlier review) I was keen to check out DC McGannon’s horror stories for young adults. For although I am far too old to be ever considered a young adult (if only!) it has been my experience that good writing is just good writing for any age from the teen years onwards.  And this set of wonderful halloween tales did not disappoint!

Like Kaos, Halloween Games straddles a ‘real’ world with an entirely ‘other’ world or dimension, and there are echoes of Kaos in the tales, and one disturbing, wonderful, entirely original character (with many faces and names even in this book) that walks both books and many, many realms.

In this collection we see the ‘other’ world collide in darkly creative ways with the lives of various teenagers.  A particular talent evidenced in these stories is to create very individual, realistic and relatable characters, each with their own unique voice and response to the macabre hurtling into their lives. You care about these characters and their often sad or dark fates, and the visual splendour of the descriptions in the work are redolent of the alchemy of artistry and fear.

It’s exciting to find what promises to be an entirely new vision for reality and the supernatural, and one that can traverse age groups so well.  I would note that the horror in these tales is real but-perhaps less visceral and detailed than in the adult stories of Kaos (as makes sense for the different main audiences), but they are no less impacting for that.

These stories like Kaos, seem to call out for the movie screen, or for the renderings of a graphic artist.  This does not diminish the quality of the excellent writing – instead it is a testament to it.  I read these and I want to see them as well as read. I don’t find that very often with horror, but when I do, it’s a treat.

Dare I say a Halloween treat?

Helen M Valentina 2017

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Amourex de la mort

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You are in thrall to darkness
Amourex de la mort
Your skull but an entry
A terrible door

You yearn for submission
To death’s ancient lore
Your life is but forfeit
Its worth you ignore

You long for oblivion
Its void like embrace
Amourex de la mort
So fallen from grace

You’ve forgotten that living
Is what you are for
Your romantic obsession
Amourex de la mort

(c) Helen M Valentina 2017

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Book Review: Kaos Obsidere by DC McGannon and C Michael McGannon

Kaos Obsidere

Here’s a fantastic find for all horror aficionados!  This new collection of stories from a sublimely creepy, nightmarish, supernatural world is sure to delight.

The McGannon’s have rich, inventive minds and a deft way with words, spinning visceral imagery and darkly roiling emotions and psychology to create a world like ours, and yet entirely other.  A world where darkness meets interesting, inventive and poetically apt ends. A world where interweaving threads of mystery permeate what are still perfectly crafted stand alone short stories.  A world where town names of Divinity and Apocalypse are perfectly chosen and tell the fortunate or unfortunate inhabitants all they should ever need to know. As they say, it is all connected: both each tale to the other and then all to a deeper train of thought, a philosophy if you will, of the balance of a dark universe and the rough justice design of its delicious unravelling.

I loved all the stories in the collection, so it’s hard to pick favourites (rather like singling out a particularly quirky and possibly aberrant, errant child). But I did particularly love the terrifying, sad poignancy of ‘The Transient’, the haunting compulsion of “The Gravewindow’, the sheer artistic but creepy purity of ‘”The Place I Go Before my Dreams’ (and never let me have dreams like that, thank you very much – wonderful to read but I suspect less wonderful to experience!) and the way it was brought together in  the fiendishly clever “Carnival Street.”

I highly recommend this horror feast. Well written, beautifully plotted and crafted, and just terrific – if dark – fun!  I eagerly await further stories – after all, the sub-title is “The Nightmare has Begun”, so hopefully there is much more to come!

Heen M Valentina.  2017

 

 

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The Other Half

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She always said she had another half.

‘The other half’ she called it. I thought it was an excuse or a conceit.

Anything she did as a child that she shouldn’t do, she’d blame on the other half. As her sibling I kind of envied her creativity and that she’d thought of it first. My parents often laughed at her protestations, but just as often they decided the other half was me. But it wasn’t. I’d stamp my feet and complain that she made it all up and then she’d cry and say she didn’t.

‘I don’t like the other half!” she’d argue. “I wish she would go away!”

And usually all these histrionics would somehow manage to make my family forget the original transgression, and she would draw my parents in to comforting her in her made up misery and I’d be alone and resentful.

She never stopped talking about the other half, even as we grew. I thought she should get over it, and give away childish things. She just said I never understood and never saw it, this other half thing. And she might have been right, I thought, but then I didn’t believe there was anything to see.

How convenient, I would think, to have another half to blame for broken relationships, friendship betrayals, work mishaps, everything.

‘No!” she would cry. “It’s terrible, it’s terrible.”

I’d study psychology at university and decide it was all my parent’s fault for cosseting her and indulging this delusion. I felt very smug and above it all, and that compensated for quite a bit.

Then one day I saw it. I saw the other half. We were preparing for a party to celebrate her university graduation, and I came to her as she was dressing to ask some question or another. I don’t recall now why, for all that I can recall is her turning from her dressing table, looking back at me, and another face – like hers but different – looking at me out of the mirror too.

I think I fainted. I know a few moments later she was hovering over me, asking me if I was all right, and I was on the floor.

“I saw it!” I said. “The other half!”

“What did you see?” she hissed, frantic.

“I saw it in the mirror, looking at me.”

“Oh no!” she said. “That means it’s seen you too!”

And so I’d wished for the excuse she had, over the years. And now it had seen me. As my mother always said, be careful what you wish for.

For now, for now, I have the other half too. And I see what she tried to tell me, though I wouldn’t listen.

The other half isn’t helpful, isn’t an excuse, it’s a calamity. The other half is very, very bad.

And now it’s mine too.

(c) Helen M Valentina 2017

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The Doll

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Lucy loved her little harlequin doll.

Her grandmother gave her the doll on her fifth birthday, telling her it was an heirloom and very precious and she was finally old enough to take proper care of it. Lucy solemnly took the responsibility and promised to keep the doll from harm always. She asked her mother to place it high on a ledge in her bedroom, above her library of childhood books. Up there it could watch over her, but be too high for her troublesome brothers to reach or damage it, as they would otherwise have a want to do.

She told her mother that sometimes in the depth of night she would wake up and look up to see the red eyes of the doll glowing, watching over her. When she talked this way her mother would chuckle at her imagination. Lucy would protest that this was true, but whenever she tried to get her mother to see the phenomenon the red lights would disappear from the doll’s eyes and so she wouldn’t be believed.

This didn’t make Lucy love the doll any less. She came to think of it as their special secret, and that the doll was alive and only she knew that. Each afternoon when she came home from school she would tell the doll her secrets and her dreams, and when they were very, very special the red eyes would glow all the more brightly that night.

One day Lucy came home crying, having been bullied at school by one of the older girls. Her mother tried to comfort her, but she could not be consoled. Eventually she ran to her room and relayed all her grief and fear to her little doll. That night the eyes blazed, watching over her, and the next day the doll was gone.

Lucy was too distressed to go to school. Her parents could not convince her to give up her search. She accused her brothers, who swore they were innocent. She demanded her parents to admit they had taken the doll. But none admitted anything, and nothing could be done about it. At the end of a terrible day she fell to fitful sleep, too tired to grieve any more.

Then in the middle of the night she awoke to find the red eyes gazing at her again. She cried for joy, then fell asleep again.

The next day school was suddenly closed. The headmaster said it was because one of the children had died, had drowned in a nearby lake. No-one knew how, or why, but Lucy understood when she heard who it was. The dead girl had been her bully, and she’d died when the beloved doll had gone missing. And now the girl was dead and the doll was back.

Lucy went into her bedroom that afternoon and looked up at the harlequin doll.

The doll looked back at her, calm and gentle as ever.

“Thank you,” said Lucy to the doll.

(c) Helen M Valentina 2017

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The Worst Monster of All

When she was a young girl, her grandmother told Mercy a horror story.

“Come my child,” she said, wrapping her in the warmth of a blanket, as they sat near the greater warmth of the fire. “Let me tell you a story. And you must remember this story as you grow, promise me this. For it is important. I will tell you the story about the worst monster of all.”

Mercy shuddered slightly, but she adored her grandmother, and knew her stories were always the best. She would be safe, of course, to just hear the story.  For surely the worst monster of all only existed in the realm of fiction.

“There is a monster that is invisible my child.  Yet it is real and it is powerful, and it seeps within a human host with icy, gouging tentacles and burrows sudden and quiet. It is unseen, but always felt. Never known for what it is, always mistaken, like a thief in the night.

No-one knows where it came from or how it exists.  It is fully formed at its birth and un-withered as it dies.  It fills a lacuna you did not know existed in you, but its force is terrible, and its design demonic. It consumes you, piece by piece, like a witch in a gingerbread house, but silent all the while. And you let it do so, willingly, every bite.

You do not know its time.  For some it is quick and fleeting, for others slow and deliberate.  It will have its season, and as it is free to burn within, you will be focussed, singularly focussed, in ways you never were before.  Every experience will be heightened, every pain deepened. You will wish yourself free of it but the more you struggle, the more it embraces you, for that is its way.

It will endure as long as it will, stubborn and unyielding. but when it leaves it will be merciless, just gone, just an ache of a different kind.  One you may heal from, or perhaps not. Mostly it will leave a little seed of darkness and take with it its surfeit of innocence and hope, but it will then be a thing apart which you may, in time, struggle even to recall.

The monster is the most real thing in your life when it is there, and but a wisp when it is gone.”

“It sounds terrible grandma!” Mercy cried, burrowing deeper in her arms as though that might elude the grasp of such horror in the night.

“It is terrible child.”

“Is it an alien?”

“No, but it may feel that way.”

“Is it the devil?”

“No, but it may feel like his kiss.”

“Is it a ghost?”

“That’s probably the closest,” said her grandmother. “Though it never really lived.”

“Then what is the monster?” the little girl cried, dismayed.

Her grandmother looked down to her wide open, tear-filled eyes.  She thought, for a second, the future washed before her, with other tears, destined to come.

“Oh my little girl,” she said. “It’s so simple.  The monster is falling in love.”

 

(c) Helen M Valentina 2017

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Ivory

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Feel me cry
White face cracking
Against indifferent snow

Bloodless wandering
Tribes long lost
Terrible, alone

Yet to vanquish
Hidden enemies
Grind flesh
Against harsh stone

We are rising
Ivory tides of rage
To revenge
To atone

Know your death
My ravaged face looming
In your dreams

Music swelling
Orchestral longing
Of your screams

(c ) Helen M Valentina 2017

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